Five Rules of Life – Vickie Helm

Jackie Simmons: 00:00:06

Welcome back to your brain on positive. All the love and support you need is residing inside of you. And we're going to make it easier to turn it off.

Jackie Simmons: 00:00:24

I get to meet the most interesting people, and today is no exception. I am really looking forward to everyone gaining the wisdom that comes from having over 500 episodes of the coffee break. Should I get it as the coffee break? Right?

Vickie Helm: 00:00:42

Yeah, the coffee break show?

Jackie Simmons: 00:00:44

Yes. Cool. So, Vicki, I am a firm believer in story first facts later. What is the story? What is it like in the world according to Vicki?

Vickie Helm: 00:00:57

Well in the world, according to Becky, what's it like to be in the world according to Vicki? Vicki is very fortunate and super blessed. And what she gets to do is do everything that she loves right now. So the world according to Vicki first rule number one, don't do anything that you don't love. Rule number two, everything that starts with you is to help grow and make a difference in the world. The third thing that is super important to me is that no burden is too heavy if everyone lips. And that motto comes in my company and my friendships and my relationships. And the fourth is always that we achieved success together we do. It's very hard to achieve success separately. So relationships are everything. And it's fun. And that's the last thing number five is according to Vicki's world. It is we always have fun. Now that's kind of how it is in Vicki's world.

Jackie Simmons: 00:01:57

Oh my goodness, I want to spend some more time and Vicky's world. Yeah, fun is really, really key in my role as well. So that's really cool. We're going to be unpacking pieces as we go through the interview. Because actually to do that, the first rule of having your own world is you kind of have to define how things are going to work in your world. And we call those creating the rules of the ballpark. You've got great rules. Yeah, okay. Great roles. Okay, now, I'm pretty certain, I'm not sure I'm just fairly certain that behind each of these roles, there's a story.

Vickie Helm: 00:02:34

Yes, there is absolutely that that is one of the key points. And I, I have been tasked by mentors to actually say what is important to you what's truly important to you? What's important about how and if the thing is the what's truly important to you says a lot about who you want to become over time, what you want to have manifest for you and how you want to be the change that you want to see in the world. And that's the importance of spending time. It's not about figuring out values so much as you figuring out you.

Jackie Simmons: 00:03:14

I love that. Okay, so me figuring out me sounds a lot more fun than me sitting down doing yet another assessment to figure out my values. Yeah, yeah, a value judgment call widget. And I haven't been on speaking terms. Yeah. So I love this approach. What's important, what do i Who do I want to become going forward? What was it like for you before you realized that understanding what was important to you would help you become who you wanted to become going forward?

Vickie Helm: 00:03:52

Thank you. How personal can I get on on the show? Can we get really personal is just that kind of conversation we can have? It is that kind of conversation we could I want to say, you know, nobody starts out with the perfect childhood, right? So I was born into a family where there was a violent father, very violent father and my mother had to run away with us to a foreign country actually, to get away from the violence that was there. And of course, I naturally grew up with really poor self esteem because of that, and there was a complete loss of self. One of the first things that I became was a people pleaser, because I just wanted the approval of everyone around me and everything around me. And until you stop some of the behaviors that you learned or the concept of yourself that you learn the identity of you that you learned, when you were younger. That's just something you learned. It's not who you are. Right? So I had to learn the difference between my identity, the one I wanted to have and the one that was taught to me

Jackie Simmons: 00:05:00

Got it? Well, we call that living in the gap. Yes, that's right. The difference between who you want to become and who you believe you can become that belief system is the driving force behind what I'm doing in the world right now, I am determined to close that gap for people aim every way possible.

Vickie Helm: 00:05:21

So, so important.

Jackie Simmons: 00:05:24

Where did love coming to that?

Vickie Helm: 00:05:27

Thank you. The, you know, it's so interesting, because my mother loved me very much. But the truth is, you have to learn to love yourself, as much as your mother loves you, or as much as much as your spouse loves you, or as much as your puppy loves you or your kids love you. And the thing is, we will want to accept that kind of love from other people. But somehow we get confused. And to me, I'm going to be super clear here in my book, The Secret joy of view, we talked about the difference between self esteem and self love. Self esteem is very people pleasing, ego driven self esteem depends a lot upon people, patting you on the back and saying, Here's your degree, here's your promotion, you're finally somebody you're in the club. Self love, is the deepest aspect of understanding you not just as a personality, but as a divine being created by the Divine perfectly. And that all of you is worthy of love that you are actually a source of love. And as you deepen into knowing you as love, there are things that you naturally love. That's just because it's part of your beingness. And when you get to that point, which I'm not going to say it's an easy road, it's not a hop, skip and a jump. The reason it's not a hop, skip and a jump to self love is because there's a lot of propaganda on this other side that keeps your attention constantly outward into the world instead of inside. And your inner self having that answer. That to me is so important.

Jackie Simmons: 00:07:11

It's a big shift in perspective. I love reading and in Sean Akers book, Happiness Advantage talks about it a little bit also in big opportunity. The challenge is that our media and our world sends us a per ponderings of negative messages. And our brain starts to believe that that's the reality of positive to negative. Yep. And the world can't work that way. Yeah, it's just not possible because it's not sustainable. Absolutely. So cool. I liked the distinction about self love this idea that we can decide to see ourselves as lovable is just a beautiful place to play. When you were building out these five things, and the idea that the actions we take, make a difference in the world that that's what we're here to do. When did you start and you can take us back into, you know, but take us into what a day was like for you before you knew that what you did made a difference in the world.

Vickie Helm: 00:08:33

Everything in my life, there was a point where there was just vast confusion. There was I didn't know who I was, I was trying to play by the rules that were outside in the world. They didn't work for me my internal world. Was it had you walk around with a sense of kind of discourse, like your discernment in you says some aid, right? Just something isn't right here. And you go ahead and you try to be in the world the way the world tells you. You should be. And suddenly something in you is going no, that's the wrong way. No, that's not what you like. And what you feel first, is unhappiness, anxiousness, depression, because you aren't following the key that's inside you. That is the guidance inside you your own self inner knowing. In fact, you're ignoring that.

Jackie Simmons: 00:09:32

When was that true for you? Can you tell me yes, I

Vickie Helm: 00:09:35

can. I was version, the the I was 12 years old when it happened. And I It sounds crazy, but I was 12 years old. And I was at church. And I was in the Bible study for the teens and I was kind of starting my tweens. And the the guy talked to me He was talking and teaching the Bible Study Lesson for that day. And he said, he said, you know, if you pray you ask and you will receive. And so he had us all really think about praying, praying, praying and praying really deeply. What is it that you actually wanted. And when you're 12 years old, there aren't the kind of filters that you have as an adult. So going deep was very easy for me. And then at the end, he asked us what we prayed for, and we and I happened to be the last person he asked, and he started over here, and he guy was like, I want to football and I want a new bicycle, and I want a new something. Are there any when he got to me? He said, What did you pray for? And I said, I wanted the wisdom of Solomon. And so at that point, if you went in, if you really go in past your past, the material stuff is what I did. I just went deep. And I thought, What do I want? When I looked at the wisdom of Solomon, what's the underneath thing that I actually wanted with the with wisdom of Solomon, I think I wanted the ability to discern, and to know my truth. And that's the first time that something else shifted in me because I asked to different, I requested a different thing from the Divine. I requested something spiritual and not material. And that was the first time that that that switch happened. I was 12.

Jackie Simmons: 00:11:37

I have to ask, okay, this is an elephant in the room question. What was the reaction in the room, it was

Vickie Helm: 00:11:45

a pin drop, the teacher was a pin drop, and everybody just pin dropped. It was silent for like two minutes. And I was internally I felt very silent. I had gone somehow inward so deeply. And innocently, actually, you're 12 you go deeply, innocently, you're not. You're just following the instructions of the teacher and listening inward. And there was just a great silence inside of me. But yet, there was something there with me, that was equally silent and being present with me. That was very loving, whatever that was, you know, I'm trying to describe an experience from 12. You know, 12, at 12 years old. You know, you just felt like something in me had shifted, and I had this glow about me the whole day after that.

Jackie Simmons: 00:12:42

That's just a lovely, lovely story. To understand that. At 12, you figured out that wisdom was valuable? Yeah. Okay, how quickly I have to ask how quickly did you forget that wisdom was valuable?

Vickie Helm: 00:13:05

I mean, it's, it's, you know, you're a kid, you have this thing and you feel joy. And then you're like, Hey, let's go outside and play. And the second you go outside and play, but what I did understand that has stayed with me from that point is there was a sense of knowing the power of kindness. I don't know why or how to explain that. But from that day forward, I understood the power of being kind. Have I practiced it? 100%? No, but my batting average is pretty high.

Jackie Simmons: 00:13:41

I love that. The batting average is what matters. And people forget that. Baseball players make a fortune missing 80% of the time. Yeah. So we give cut ourselves a little more slack. I think around that. And the power of kindness is great. There are some really wonderful movements in the world right now creating kindness communities. And so it's a message worth spreading. And I love that. All right, here we go taking it down the next one because this is when we get into the heavy stuff. You talked about burdens being light when we all left. Yeah, no burden is too heavy. If

Unknown: 00:14:29

we all lift, there we

Jackie Simmons: 00:14:31

go. No burden is too heavy when we all left. I love the visual illness of that the fact that it's something that I can absolutely see. What's your next big burden that's gonna be lifted with a community.

Vickie Helm: 00:14:50

Thank you. I have a new project that under wraps about to me that no burden is too heavy if we all lift It's like any burden. It's about the culture you have of a team, it's about those things. But I do have a new project. It's the biggest project I've done to date. And there's no way you can pull something off, that's visionary, or at least I can't, without having the right team in place. The burden for me right now is, knowing what the vision is, but not knowing all of the parts that I need to have in place in order to lift the vision off the ground. The key thing that is burdensome is being in the the what I call the meantime, it's surrendering to divine timing, knowing the answers are going to come when they're supposed to arrive. Me being very excited, and being like a kid, I wanted to know I wanted now and being present with that, and dealing with my own, you know, excitement of doing that, in the excitement of being up there. I also have, I don't want to call it a burden, because it to me has been the greatest teacher right now. But I made a pact this year that I was going to be publicly. Because I teach transformation. That's really what I teach. And there's a difference between change and transformation. So I wanted, I had a big show, and I talked about transformation. And then I told him, I'm gonna do it over the next year for you right in front of you. So you can see how I'm implementing change. The second I said that, of course, change and transformation kept knocking on my door and saying, Hello, including a piece of physical transformation. My blood sugar's went way high, and suddenly never had a diagnosis of being diabetic. But suddenly, I was diabetic. And I was like, not on my watch. So that transformation that I actually am going through publicly, I've told my audience, this is what I'm going through, this is how I'm taking care of it. And I'm not taking medication for it, I am healing it, fundamentally at its core. And what happens when you heal something fundamentally at its core, is the blind spot. That where you have for me, where I have stress, where I'm not paying attention to myself where I'm overdoing it, all of those things have come up and said, Hello, you these need to be changed for your fundamental well being. And so between these two things, when you have the no burden is too heavy. If everyone lifts, I want to thank all the doctors, I'm working with the team that helps me the everything that's growing, all of those things. But the reason I have that saying there for me, is because sometimes in the past, I've been afraid to ask for help. And when I say when you have to ask for help, something can be burdensome on your mind. When you are afraid to say, to reach out and say I need help with this, would you be willing to help me? There's a level of vulnerability of the ask because you could get your no. And at this point, the practice of that sentence for me is to be willing to hear no and still love them and not have a cow. You know, you said no. And I really need a yes. And to make sure that I'm willing to show up fully, and ask for help, both outer and inner world help.

Jackie Simmons: 00:18:42

That is so great of a story and your willingness to be totally transparent on this. Because he said something that I'll just highlight him when you talk about transformation and change. Yeah, the habits versus the experience of shift. When light when more light starts coming into our lives. And those shadows start dissipating. All of a sudden, what could hide in those shadows starts to show up and be visible,

Vickie Helm: 00:19:16

it's dry. You have to be willing to greet that part of you with love. And oh, this is my past. It's not my present. It's not going to be my future. Thank you for being here. See you later.

Jackie Simmons: 00:19:28

It stirs things up. changes is easy. You can change a habit, you can change a habit, you can change a habit. Transformation, stirs things up.

Vickie Helm: 00:19:40

It's supposed to stir things up. And it's interesting because the difference between change and transformation is change doesn't necessarily have to be friendly. It can happen in a moment and can be out of your control. Change is like Hi, here's a pink slip. See you later. Bye. Oops, I had a car accident now I gotta stop yield changes absolutely out there. And it happens all the time change is constant transformation is different. Transformation is the agreement between you and the divine to create and manifest something, whether it's internal or external. But what it is, is the agreement between you and the universe, where change doesn't have to have any agreement from you at all. It doesn't care what you think it is just going to happen right then. But when you choose to transform, it's you choosing that, it's you saying, I want to become this, I want to have this. That's the power of transformation. And what I have found, when I'm, you know, I've spoken on stage all over the world. And there's a difference between getting on stage and having a topic and we're gonna learn this, learn this, learn this, or when you're listening to your audience, your audience is listening to you, and you're out there. And you can model for them a certain behavior or a certain thing that you want to teach them, if you model it for them. They're way more able to ingest it, then, you know, if you taught them that, here's your worksheet, here's your this. Kids do that, too. They model their parents, they model their teachers, modeling is the most powerful part. But in order to teach, when you model you have to be willing to be seen. Here's me warts and all. This is just me warts and all. It's not perfect, but this is how I get through. That's the point of transformation and modeling.

Jackie Simmons: 00:21:42

You know, that's a lot in there. Okay, so so I'm gonna unpack a little bit of that. All right, because there's a story. There's a story here, I can feel it. When you were on a stage and you had been teaching and you shifted into modeling. What were you modeling?

Vickie Helm: 00:22:01

What are you modeling? Thank you. One of the things that I think is, I want to say what I saw was modeled to me that I suddenly modeled out one night I was at, I got some tickets to go see Deepak Chopra. And that was like rare, and they sold out really fast. And I was very fortunate to get a seat up front, where I could see him without the big monitors and everything else that you use in the, you know, over 1000s and 1000s of stadiums. So I have been, I had been a you know, speaker for probably a decade when I'm at this. So I'm, I have my routine down, maybe maybe five years, not quite a decade. But I'm super excited because it's Deepak Chopra, and I go there and I sit down. And there's an opening speaker who was really great, really great speaker. But then Deepak Chopra came out. And he came out very relaxed. And there are 1000s and 1000s of people in the auditorium. And he looked up and he said, So what do you guys want to talk about tonight? And he goes, tell me, somebody shout out, what do you want me to talk about tonight? And of course, then you could hear people saying, talk about this or talk about that or talk about this. And I watched him in the room. And he walked from this side of the stage to this side of the stage. And you just tell me what you want to talk about. And then suddenly went, Oh, I know what you guys want to talk about tonight. He had pulled it from his audience right there. In the moment, he trusted the moment. He had no script, no PowerPoint, no anything. And I My jaw dropped. And I was like he was present in the moment. And that's when I stopped. I haven't used a script or anything for years. That was modeled to me. And I was like, yes. Can you trust that the conversation that wants to be had moment to moment is right there. So when people come on the coffee break show, I tell them I saw your questions I can ask you, I'm not going to ask you those. I want the moment to be here for you to be in the moment, we're going to have fun, it's going to be great. And I'm going to ask those questions. And I do it without a script without the question because that that it's not just the originality of the conversation that you're having, but the authenticity of the conversation you're having at that point. And that was what was modeled to me. Because when I saw it being modeled to me, I right away was it was easy for me to implement. And I realized that the more I modeled somebody out in the audience would go, Oh, I can I can implement that. And that's how I learned to do that. And I think I was in my maybe late 30s, early 40s when that happened.

Jackie Simmons: 00:24:54

What a great story. Yeah, it's it's The truth of being authentic and present. Just the other lying underlying story in that story is the impact that Deepak Chopra has had on the world, absolute as he was authentic and present. And you responded to it, and you have been out in the world ever since. So everyone that you've impacted. And I love this, because you may not know that you have that same ability that he has, but I suspect you have a glimmer. Yeah. And now everyone listening to you has had that sense of Oh, what if life was a little less scripted? Yes. Yes. And it's interesting, because the concept you have of yourself that you learn when your kid is nothing but a script, and that scripting, that flipping the script. That's the that's where you get to create you. And that's the beauty of it, when you shed that script, who and what is there? Oh, I so love that. You know, you we actually you may not know, I mean, I am a conscious transformational coach. As a matter of fact, I created the modality. And I'm certified people in it now, who are three day event is based on this premise, what you just described as flipping the script, I like your language better than what I had.

Vickie Helm: 00:26:38

I would love to say I'm the originator of it, but I'm not somebody who used that. And I was like, Oh, I like that, too. I'll use it.

Jackie Simmons: 00:26:47

These stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves, those stories that we've been buying and selling ourselves are what our life is based in. Yeah, when someone says that they want to change their life. My first question is, are you willing to change your story?

Vickie Helm: 00:27:06

Yes, because that's the whole point, the concept of you is fluid, you are actually a design for this lifetime. It's not even you, it's the outer you. So you know, the first thing that you learn when you come to the planet is that you cease being a soul. It's weird. We remember that we're a soul. When a baby is born, we're like Lego, we got this new little soul, etc. And when you die, suddenly you realize you're a soul. But in between birth and death, you forget that you're a soul. My waterbody maybe, that's like this is and the soul is very malleable it can be or grow and manifest, it's your attractor field is everything about you, that creates powerful transformation. And yet, when you're a baby, they look and then they the first thing they call you as a baby. And then they're gonna call you the next thing, you're either a boy or a girl. So you lose, use these concepts, use these concepts. And if you're a girl, you act like this, and you like these things. And if you're a boy, you act like this, and you like these things. And all of that is just crap. I mean, a girl can love athletics, as much as a boy does. And a boy can like dolls, as much as a girl does. But we we start these concepts of this is how you're supposed to act and be based on these things. That is the started the story. And then the story is the we just comply with it. And we never challenge. What do I want my story to be? Who am I? What do I like? And those things? Yeah, we don't get a choice at that. Absolutely, absolutely. But I want to say, especially back in the day, young girls, young girls, were just it wasn't just the story of this. It was how you had to be to fit in and oh, gosh, it was very tough. And little boys. It's like if you cried, it was sinful. You You're not supposed to cry. But like men don't cry. I'm like, Oh my gosh, talk about suppressing and creating your first stress. Wow, it's a it's the concept thing. I'm glad you teach transformation. I absolutely love that.

Jackie Simmons: 00:29:21

It is so much fun. And these concepts. I mean, when you're talking about the first stress, I'm like

Vickie Helm: 00:29:30

we started learning

Jackie Simmons: 00:29:31

to tolerate at a very young age. Yes. Look at any nursery school or a Sunday school where a three year old and a four year old or have the expectation is it's still Yeah, it's a natural state of anyone

Vickie Helm: 00:29:45

you want to wiggle. Yeah,

Jackie Simmons: 00:29:48

yeah. Oh my goodness. Okay, so I don't want to lose track of my theme with you which is the five pieces and in a world that says everything has to be in threes. I I'm so glad you have five. Because I'm a more I'm a forum everything in my world comes out in force. So, alright, so success together, relationships are everything. The day that I realized I was tackling something too big for me to do by myself. change things for me. What was your day that you decided that this was your truth that relationships were everything because success was a together thing?

Vickie Helm: 00:30:33

I can think of so many I do I have to only think of one.

Jackie Simmons: 00:30:41

The lesson sounds like you've learned more than once.

Vickie Helm: 00:30:44

Yes, it is a lesson. I've learned more than once. There's a couple of that I have so many. I'm not sure which one to pick. Starting from childhood up to, you know, living.

Jackie Simmons: 00:30:59

Let's bookend it. Let's pick two. Okay. One from childhood and one from more present day. Yes. Which one? Do you want to talk about? First?

Vickie Helm: 00:31:09

I, let's start with childhood and then go for work. Because that way we just name both of them. There was a point where something happened, where they thought that I was lying. And I was not lying by any means. And it was in regards to part of the violence I was receiving as a young person. But my authority figure at that time. Yes, I

Jackie Simmons: 00:31:41

didn't pause you and say, How old were you in this story.

Vickie Helm: 00:31:46

That's what I was trying to remember. I was like, I was like eight, or nine or 10, but somewhere eight, nine or 10. And I'm thinking more towards the 910 range than eight. But they took me to see an attorney so that I could tell the attorney what was happening to me and what I needed, you know, so that there could be some, some legal action done. So I was nervous as all get out because I attorneys just scared me I was only 10. It was like talking to a police officer. They weren't your friends at that point. But this my authority figure was trying to help me and what was happening was actually real. And the attorney didn't believe me, he didn't believe my story didn't believe what happened. And what he said to me was, you have too much light in your eyes. If you were really in trouble, you wouldn't have as much light in your eyes. And I remember thinking at that point, I had too much light in my eyes, and I needed to shrink, right in that moment, I needed to become smaller. So they believed me, I was too happy or I was too resilient. I was too whatever. And he didn't think I looked like a battered and beaten child. So at that point, I shrink. Like I had sudden feelings of shame. Like I was ashamed of who I was. And the authority figure, bless them stepped in front of them and said, you know, don't you listen to that. Don't you listen to what he said. But they believe me, they knew what was happening. But the attorney turned down the case based on that thing happening. But when we got to the car, and I was feeling like I did something wrong, I wasn't sure what I was doing, I must have shined too much. What they didn't let me do is shrink. So what relationships do sometimes is they help you see your blind spot, and they can talk you and it doesn't matter. Your girlfriend could do this your your your boss could do this, a spouse could do this. Somebody could say listen, don't you listen to that crap up you You do you? This is their projection, not yours, you you don't have to shrink. That one instance, carried me that one small incident wasn't about the attorney at all. It was about me, knowing for the rest of my life that I never have to shrink. That's the purpose of that. You know, that relationship being powerful. So I have been on boards where a lot of boards are not very there's not a lot of women on the board. And there are times where men have said Vikki, you can wait to talk just a minute because he wants to say something and I was like No, I never have to shrink. In order to be present. I am in this board and this is what this is As my say, and I'm going to speak at right now, you can't tell me when to speak. And the having this over here, this relationship helped me actually have boundaries in my relationships over here. And to me, that's why I kind of wanted to move forward with the conversation. Nobody's asked me that question before. And I actually think that is a powerful question to have for people. But that is kind of how relationships, relationships, basically, that's life. It's the people you meet and what you do with them. Are they your friend, your business partner, your lover, your what are they, that's the people you meet, and what you create with them. That's life.

Jackie Simmons: 00:35:42

You know, it's also one of the most confusing places in the world. People talk about relationships. And for the most part, they're talking primary intimate relationships, and they've missed the richness of connection. And so if we replace the word connection in that sentence, so connections are everything, our ability to connect with other people, because I looked like I had a lot of relationships, what I was missing was connection to them.

Vickie Helm: 00:36:22

Absolutely. That is such an important key distinction. And I'm so glad that you brought that up. Because connection is a skill set in its own, I believe, for me that I can't connect well with others, if I can't connect with myself first. If I'm connecting to others, without connecting to me, first, I'm looking for help from them to connect me to me. And is that is like a connection is a skill set.

Jackie Simmons: 00:36:51

All right, boom. That was our moment. That was when you named how to put your own emotional oxygen mask on first. It is in that connection to ourselves that allows us to be connected to others allows us to be presence. Yeah. Awesome. I love having new definitions of what that experience is like. So before we get into fun, actually, it's just probably part of your fifth element here, have fun. I guess. Here we go. Let's take it home. What are your top three ways to connect to yourself?

Vickie Helm: 00:37:35

Thank you so much. I have instilled a practice in my life that I do every single morning. The first thing I do is my spiritual practice, because that gives me contemplative time or contemplation time and reading time, and connecting with myself time. Now I want to say the second thing I got from a show guest of mine that was on recently. And she said, I'm going to tell this to you, but most of you aren't going to do it. And I'm going to say this to everyone else, I'm going to tell this to you. But most of you aren't going to do it. In the morning, before I get out of bed, I smile, I smile big. And I breathe deeply. Not just like I've been breathing deeply while sleeping, but breathing deeply while aware. And I do the kind of breathing where I breathe in deeply through my nose for like five seconds, hold it for five seconds and let it out slowly for five to eight seconds. And I take a moment just to be grateful before my feet hit the floor. Before I go to the bathroom before I pet my dog or see how my family's doing. I just get to the point where that first initial thing is gratitude for waking up in the morning. That part is how I connected the day. Then I go from there to spiritual contemplation and that first. And then the next thing I do is I asked myself and the divine. What do you want me to know today? What do you want me to know today?

Jackie Simmons: 00:39:19

I'm a collector of good questions. That's a really good question. What I love about what you just said, is this practice consciously choosing how your day will start that we know the physiology of a smile changes thicknesser IO chemistry of the body. Yeah, we know that all of the practices that we pursue and the tools that we use in my own world are based on that bedrock piece of evidence that our physiology informs our biochemistry. So that simple breathing the Smile, which is how I have it in my notes now is breathing the smile, what a great way to start the morning. And then

Vickie Helm: 00:40:09

you it's interesting because if you watch enough commercials where the girl is in bed, or he's in bread bed, they always do this before the commercial they're like, and they always had this big smile when they get out of bed. It's just kind of the nature of the commercial. And I thought, well, that's got to be something, you know, you too, you can get out of bed and roll out of bed and just be up or you can choose to smile. And I'm, you know, that, for me is a big deal. And I think it's part of why I'm so healthy.

Jackie Simmons: 00:40:41

You know, anything that dials down the drama and reduces stress in the body is guaranteed to improve your health. Yeah. My background is a stress management consultant. And even 30 years ago, over 94% of all primary care doctor visits were forced to stress for legs, right daughters has any better that percent.

Vickie Helm: 00:41:07

I agree with that. In fact, with this pandemic, I think it's gotten way worse.

Jackie Simmons: 00:41:11

Yeah, it has changed things. The good and the bad. Okay, the good and the bad. The bad thing is that the pandemic has put more stress on every thing, all of our social structures, all of our belief systems, everything, nothing is immune from the pressure. But the good news is showing cracks in the foundations that are allowing more light to come in.

Vickie Helm: 00:41:37

Absolutely. That's the best part of it. It is the

Jackie Simmons: 00:41:41

best part of it. Alright, so winding this up you we have gone on a journey, we've gone on a journey through self love and discovering our lovable pneus. And our actions and the impact they have on the world. And our success together. actually skip the we're no burden is too heavy when we all left, which plays right into success together. Yes. And I love the journey that we went on, to discern the critical and critical piece of relationships, which is connectedness, and connecting with ourselves first. So now let's bring it home. What do you do for fun?

Vickie Helm: 00:42:22

Wow. This to me, I learned from reading a book. And the premise of the book was not to do anything that you didn't love, which is hard, because there was a part of me that felt like I'm a responsible adult, I'm going to do this and this and this and this and be responsible. So doing what you loved 100% of the time, felt frivolous. But I assure you, if you do this, if you create this, you will no matter what happens, be able to turn lemons into lemonade, and feel the kind of joy, living joy, living Joy completely. So what happened was, I started implementing one new thing that I loved, that I really loved doing into the day. And then every month I started implementing something that I love, something that I love, something that I love. And I began to get rid of those things that I didn't love. Like I sold the business that was really stressful for me that I didn't actually like doing. I only wrote about topics that I absolutely love to write about. I only talked about topics on my show that I absolutely love to talk about. I went outside and stopped calling it working out. Let's go workout. I cannot stand working out I hate it. But I love to go outside and play. And I love the word downtime. So I would say now every day, mountain biking is one of my biggest loves. So I obviously went out and bought a couple of mountain bikes because I wanted to go mountain biking and that's what I do. And I scheduled it in my day to love what I did. I honestly went through a list of hundreds and hundreds of friends and this was hard. And I all those friends that sucked energy from me, I removed and I only kept the relationships that I love. That was such a big thing for me that relationships that I loved and that I was willing to love in the future that I was willing to put energy into into the future. Then I went really and I'm gonna tell you one of my friends told me the other day this the other day and I love the way he said this, he said Add, when a thought comes in your mind, you're either going to have to pay it or it pays you. If you have to pay it, get it out. And I love that way of approaching it so much, that if a thought comes in your mind, you're either paying its monetary, you're either paying it money, or in the form of time, or you're, it's paying you. And if it's not paying you, then get out. And I love that and I started it. Okay, this is the practice of being aware. I love having awareness and mindfulness, because it gives the guiding force of creating what you love. So now I have businesses that I love, relationships that I love, days, things that I love, books that I read, that I love, my day from waking up to the end of the day is fun. And I love what I do and who I am. Because I put that in place. The thought that you have to be responsible, or be happy and loving is BS, don't believe it one iota. You can have all of it you can be responsible. And you can, you know, be happy and have everything that you love. And then when you look around your house and your family, the last thing I did was I started pointing out what I loved. I literally changed the furniture in my house, because you want to be in a room that you love. And you can have that. And so I did that for myself. And I realized that I was having fun doing this. I was having so so much fun doing this. And I'll continue doing this for the rest of my life. I want my deaths to be full of love.

Jackie Simmons: 00:46:56

Full of love, full of fun. The path to awareness and mindfulness and filling your life with nothing but what you find joy and yeah, I'm well circle back and go boy that makes it easy to wake up and smile.

Vickie Helm: 00:47:12

Yes, yes, it does. And I feel so blessed that you just said that because that is a reminder, isn't it? So what happens if something uncomfortable in my life happens? What happens when it doesn't feel so loving? Like, maybe there's an emergency, I fall back on my knowing the knowing of that attorney. This is here to teach me something. You know how they say What's that saying? They say, life doesn't happen to you. It happens for you. When you're in love, when you are in love, you know that it's happening for you 100% of the time. Like the first time you fall in love with a romantic partner, you're like you're a gift from the Divine. It never stops being a gift from the Divine because the Divine is only love right. So there it is right in front of you.

Jackie Simmons: 00:48:03

And there it is right in front of you. So the elephant in the room. What's right in front of us for this is my immense gratitude that you were able to make time to be on the show and share your world with us, Becky. Thank you. So thanks, Vickie.

Vickie Helm: 00:48:22

I enjoyed this so much. I really enjoyed your show.